In which Sherdie feels some existential angst

23 02 2006

There are moments in every girl’s life when things aren’t as shiny as they could be. When starting this morning’s round of filing, photocopying and answering the phone, I fell into a bit of a hole. Today I wasn’t sure whether holding out for a job that I really want is really such a good plan. It seemed like a good plan to start with, but I hadn’t thought through the in-between part of having a job I really don’t want and having to go there every single day.

To make sure I could have a proper wallow in self-pity I started compiling a list of things I missed about having a job I liked. These included, but were not limited to, challenging work, intelligent conversation, a sense of meaning and a decent income. All things missing in my current job. Although I have always said there is a certain satisfaction in balancing the petty cash.

I know that it will happen in time. There was once a wise mountain man who told me, “You can do this thing”. That was a different thing, but the principle remains true. I know that if I keep positive, keep looking, keep putting myself out there, then it will all come together and I’ll stop having to invent ways to keep myself looking busy all day. And, dear peanuts, there’s no need to worry, because mostly I am just tired, feeling sooky and having a whinge. Maybe it because I’ve been doing lots of yoga that focuses on my hip flexors, which my beautiful teacher once told me releases a lot of “gunk” (that’s the technical term).

Anyway, tomorrow’s Friday, and then it’s the wonderful, blissful weekend. And I am having actual coffee with an actual friend on the weekend. Just like a normal person with a life.

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3 responses

24 02 2006
GigPig

There are some downsides to having a real people job. The most pressing for me is the guilt I feel when surfing the net and reading this blog in work time…

26 02 2006
That Guy

Hey Friend!Did you hear about the existentialist dyslexic insommniac? He sat awake all night wondering if there really was a dog!…Temping sucks big time…consider if you will this formula:Mike’s first six months in England=full-time temping+living in a one-bedroom apartment with your ex-girlfriend+central London+no gigs+July 7 tube bombs….i.e, I’m still alive, so you’ll be right…and whingeing is all good, çause that’s what I’ve just done! Hold out for the gold, and keep us posted…

26 02 2006
lan

So, not too much wisdom to add – except that even when you find a truly amazing job and you think it’s fabulous – eventually you work out that there are significant parts of it that suck – so maybe it’s just that the reality of temping shows itself earlier.Plus you are sherd, and therefore awesome and therefore you can totally do this.

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