Sherd eye for the smelly guy

24 04 2006

It has come pungently to my attention that some boys out there have a few misconceptions about the use of ‘male fragrance sprays’. I think it’s time someone spoke up and said we’re tired of breathing in clouds of ‘Africa’- or ‘Spice’- scented CFCs. Here’s a few tips I came up with on the bus.

1. There are two main types of smelly. One is plain old sweaty-stinky smelly. That happens to everyone. Then there’s too-much-Lynx-deodorant smelly. To be honest, the first is preferable to the second (this does not include 3-day-old BO).

2. Deodorant and anti-perspirant are not the same thing. One smells. The other stops you smelling. Subtle but important difference.

3. Nice-smelling men are very attractive.

4. Lynx does not smell nice.

5. If it’s not pulling chicks like in the ads, see #4. You can’t fix it by putting more on.

6. If you can’t smell it anymore, again, you don’t need to put more on. Your olfactory nerves have just been destroyed by the smell. It still stinks. See #4 for more information.

Here are three simple steps you can try if you’ve just had your fragrance illusions shattered:

1. Shower. Daily. More often if necessary.*

2. Apply not-very-smelly anti-perspirant. Preferably from a non-propellant-using source.**

3. Apply a little bit of boy cologne-type stuff.***

———————————-
* For some people, this step will be enough. In fact, Mr P practises this technique and has never been known to smell. Himself, that is. His room used to sometimes get a little whiffy. But that’s more to do with his bean and potato rich diet than his (generally impeccable) personal hygiene.

** This won’t necessarily improve your smell, but it will improve your karma. And your chance of picking up girls with hippie tendencies.

*** Optional but highly recommended.

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4 responses

25 04 2006
Miff

Sherdy, I think this sort of information would be very valuable to some men. Clearly there is confusion about Lynx and its niceness, and I do think the ads are very misleading. You should send your findings in to a mens magazine to let them know that “ads = made up stuff to make you buy the product”.Must say I am v thankful that there is no Lynx used in our house. Gah! And I second the cologne, but again, in moderation.

25 04 2006
Anonymous

The old smelly boy whinge. It’s as useful and new as writing about shopping and chocolate – neither of which you have done so far, to your credit. As for the Lynx issue, you are clearly hanging out with the wrong type of boys, or they are Christians who believe God will stop the stink. (and I think He does – most Christians tend to smell noice)Perhaps the girls of the world could take the same advice about perfume and Impulse? If I can still smell it lingering half an hour after they’ve passed by, there may be too much on.

25 04 2006
Sherd

You know, I have noticed there are a number of girls out there that use Impulse in the same way that a lot of guys use Lynx. Maybe I shoulda been more even-handed with my criticism. Let me say it now: if you are over 15 and using Impulse, stop now and go and buy some actual deodorant! Odds are you stink, but everyone is too polite to tell you. Now what are you doing reading my blog when you should be watching the OC?

26 04 2006
Anonymous

After some (completely coincidental) discussions in my workplace I’ve come up with a fourth rule if rules 1-3 aren’t working:4. Wash your clothes regularly.It’s a vital, but apparently often forgotten, rule of smelling pleasant.

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