Catchup

31 07 2006

I know, I know, I’ve been slack. Life has been a little busy, and I have been a little strange.

Here’s some tidbits:

– The other day a guy I work with told me I was one of the happiest people he’s ever met.* This has weirded me out considerably. I’m now quite worried that I am one of those irritating happy people that everyone wants to slap. Am I? Reassure me, blogosphere, please? Don’t get me wrong, my life is filled with roast pumpkin and honey milk pearl tea, but there’s no lack of falling-off-my-shoe-on-a-crowded-footpath and I’m-sure-these-jeans-used-to-fit days. Like last week when I lied to the creepy creepy taxi driver and got out half a suburb away from my house because he was freaking me out, somehow the chitchat had gone from the weather and the football to are you single hey I’m only doing the taxi thing to save money to start a business and we might be looking for girls like you** is that your place which one is your window I’ll wait until I see the light go on so I know you got in alright.
I stood behind a wall in some strange block of flats for about five minutes until he finally left and then I strode home raging inside my head about bloody men and fucking paranoia and cursing my own lack of ability to tell big scary dudes to fuck off and then on second thought decided that I was quite wise.
Happy? No. Skilled at fooling people? Possibly.

– If anyone ever says to you, “hey, you know what, there’s a bottle of chilli butterscotch schnapps in the back of the cupboard, we should drink that now that we’ve finished the wine and champagne”, say no.

– I’ve said it once before, but it bears repeating: MAL BROUGH IS AN ARSE!
He was on the teev on Sunday and even Channel 9 seemed flabbergasted at his total lack of understanding of the situation. They tried to put a positive spin on it and failed. One thing that struck me was Mal getting his knickers in a knot about the yoof in Wadeye wearing “death metal shirts” because death metal wasn’t part of “their culture”. I’m not about to lecture y’all on transculturation and cultural relativism, partly because I can’t be arsed, and partly because I’m not sure I know all the big words anymore, but… Holy. Fucking. Shit! What planet is this man from that he thinks this is possibly true? My great-grandparents listened to bagpipes and ate haggis, so in Mal’s world, that is “my culture”. Does that mean I can’t dance to Paul van Dyk with my hands in the air and eat kebabs? I think Mal sees indigenous (and possibly all non-Anglo) people as completely separate to his existence as and idea of a person in Australian culture. So just in case he’s ever vanity-googling and he comes across this entry, in small words, for Mal: “They” are people. Like you. And me. Just as you and I take from the broader Australian culture the things that please us, and take parts of our cultural heritage that enrich our lives, so do all the other people in this country. Cultural identity is not a simple or a static thing, and nor should it be. This is a good thing. Also, you are a cuntrag.

B thinks that Mal lacks the mental capacity to think at this level. So to cover all the bases, here’s a note to Mal from B: Teenagers and death metal? Not their culture? Are you for serious? You’re a moron.

– I have no problem with Christians, I just don’t find them sexually attractive.*** I stumbled across this narrow-minded aspect of myself recently. Some part of my brain links having faith, or, I suppose, Faith, to instant strike-out. Interestingly, it’s the same strike-out as for Top 40 music devotion or drug addiction. Happy to be your friend. Sexual attractiveness rating of lino tiles. I’d never articulated it, even to myself, until I was chatting to a boy, and he was nice and all, and then he mentioned bible study. It was like in movies when there’s that sound of the needle being scratched across the record, and then silence. Curiouser and curiouser.

———————————–
* Before you say it, I have kept my singing, dancing, robot-building and cussing to an absolute minimum, as befits a new workplace. I am a model of office decorum. I wear shoes all the time. THEY THINK I AM NICE AND SWEET. So it’s not that.
** wtf? I am nice and sweet, godammit!
*** I want a t-shirt that says this.****
**** I know I’m shallow, and I’m ok with that.

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10 responses

31 07 2006
Sherd

OH MY GOD* that site is ridiculous! It made me laugh and then I realised that somewhere people believe in it. I was particularly amused/horrified by the evolution and abortion tracts. Enlightening. In a bad way. * pun intended

31 07 2006
Bonestorm

Rofl at the Chick site. I’ve seen those before. “Jimmy thought comic books were good fun… until he found out they were the work of the devil!”And no Sherd, you’re not one of those super happy freaks – or at least that isn’t coming across to me. 🙂

1 08 2006
alby

No, I’ve never wanted to throttle you, a little frightened when I first sat a few desks away from you but that had a lot to do with the crazed environment we were in & me being a newbie in a world like no other.PS to many asterix’s, I got lost 😉

1 08 2006
Sherd

Thanks kids, I feel much better/less paranoid. I’m frightening. Ha ha!(really Alby? we shall have to discuss this further elsewhere)

1 08 2006
Sherd

(was it because of the robot building? It was because of the lego, wasn’t it?)

1 08 2006
mangoman

Nice to see the rave on Brough. He was bad. Haven’t seen the show yet but it appears that a little speech along the lines of ‘you will see these people or you will walk’ was shown – but with no audio. He saw the people. What is very heartening is the way people look back. I will tell you about it one day.

1 08 2006
That Guy

….I’ve always thought of you as a fairly cheery happy person but definitely not of the slap-making variety…….I know of those people too and they’re quite different….they’re like those incredibly annoying people who ASK you to smile!…it might be just me, but I’ve noticed that those particular people never seem very convincing in their OWN smiles……..had a look at the Chick Tracts meself – terrifying in their simplicity, and of course also hilarous…….I got a little confused with the asterixing too……..robots? Lego? Huh!?…..

2 08 2006
Miff

Daisy the robot was still there when I left I month ago. She was even wearing your ‘Ho Ho Ho’ dress and headband.Those were the days…

2 08 2006
Miff

OMG – just read Chick Tracts. V worrying – there was one about a guy named Murph. No way is it a boys name!

18 08 2006
Sherd

Yeah, one day I’ll find out how to use a different symbol instead of the asterix. Maybe an obelix?Wouldn’t hold your breath though.

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