Before, now, later

2 07 2010

For ages I listened to the yoga people tell me to step back and observe what was going on without judging or needing to act. It took reading some Havi to understand this properly – about meeting yourself where you are.

Now it makes a bit more sense. It’s about taking a little minute to acknowledge what’s going on before you leap into the next mode (fixing, ignoring, running away). Recognition of points in time and how things change, perhaps.

So let’s take a little minute. Before, I was angry and frustrated and exhausted. Happenings this week (new job, first and foremost) mean that later, I will be excited and inspired and, let’s be honest, pretty scared that they’ll realise I don’t know what I’m doing and call the whole thing off.

Right now, this slightly tipsy Friday before a weekend away and just after telling the people, the nice, welcoming, clever people who I’ve been working with for two weeks that in two weeks time I’m out the door? Right now I’m feeling small, and humbled, and guilty for reneging on a commitment.

These are the consequences of our decisions, right? It’s a small part compared to the overwhelming sense of hope and optimism and excitement about the later. And it’s a hell of a lot better to how the before felt.

Still and all.

Now, gah. Bring on later.

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